


When We Lied to Ourselves

by wonder_womans_ex



Series: brokenheartsfest 2020 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sweater Weather - Lumosinlove
Genre: Angst, I take great joy in causing others pain, I took the SW boys and I stuck them back into the hogwarts universe, Inspired by Sweater Weather | Coast to Coast - lumosinlove, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Very angst, congratulations me, it's fluff if you don't read the last two paragraphs?, it's hurt/comfort but the comfort comes first, warning: this has made multiple people cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonder_womans_ex/pseuds/wonder_womans_ex
Summary: "What will you do if we survive tonight?"
Relationships: Finn O'Hara/Logan Tremblay (lumosinlove), Leo Knut/Finn O'Hara/Logan Tremblay (lumosinlove)
Series: brokenheartsfest 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141424
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	When We Lied to Ourselves

No one really knew him. That was all Finn could think as he watched Leo practice. Swing after swing of his arm, flick after flick of his wrist. His spellwork was perfect, but they didn’t _know_ him. **  
**

Finn wanted to. 

He knew he shouldn’t. He had Logan, after all. But something about Leo Knut made him wonder if maybe, just maybe…

Well. 

He was shaken from his thoughts by a stag patronus prancing across the room, effectively drawing everyone’s attention to the front. Harry was standing next to the dummy death eater, looking very short for someone who had vanquished a dark wizard four times—and was supposed to be teaching them to do the same. 

“Right, everyone,” Harry called. “If you’d all partner up, and practice disarming, that would be great. Yeah.” 

Logan immediately caught his eye, and Finn nodded. No matter what he thought about Leo, Logan always had and always would come first. 

“That boy still talks like he’s asking someone on a date,” said Logan, gesturing with his head. Finn laughed. 

He stopped laughing when Logan stood on tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Speaking of asking someone on a date… care to join me in Hogsmede tomorrow?”

“You know it, baby.” 

Someone cleared their throat. Finn turned to see Harry, awkwardly twiddling his thumbs and glancing to where Leo stood slightly behind him. “Look, I hate to break this up, but might there be room in your group for a third? I would ask someone else, but you two are the best at defence spells and I think he needs the challenge.”

The other reason went unspoken, but everyone knew that he didn’t completely trust Logan. Between the fact that he’d shown up at the Hog’s Head even though no one had told him to be there, and his being the only Slytherin in the DA, Harry always felt the need to have someone powerful keep an eye on him. It was messed up, but Logan didn’t seem to mind. 

At least, until now. 

Finn watched as Logan gulped—showy, like they did in the films. “Sure. I mean, that’s great, yeah.” 

At least Lo was as nervous as he was. 

Leo seemed scared, too, but it was almost entirely hidden by his smile. “Hey. Sorry about this.”

“No worries.” 

“Well, at least it can’t be as bad as last time.”

“No, it can’t.” Finn and Leo laughed. 

Logan looked at Finn in confusion. “What happened last time?” 

“He was partnered with Seamus. Got set on fire. For once, it wasn’t an accident.”

“Seamus Finnigan set him on fire on purpose. Why?” 

“Because I dated Dean Thomas for two weeks.”

Blinking twice at Leo’s answer, Logan turned back to Finn. “And Seamus is…?”

“In love with Dean.”

“Fucking Gryffindors,” Logan muttered under his breath. “Can’t handle emotion like the rest of us.” 

Finn elbowed him. “Slytherins are no better!”

“Yes we are!”

“You called me ‘ginger earwig’ for four years! To my face!”

“Lovingly!” 

“The point stands!” 

“Look, everyone only thinks Slytherins are shit at feelings because of Draco Malfoy. _Draco Malfoy_ is shit at feelings. The rest of us aren’t.” 

They were both surprised when Leo broke in. “Draco Malfoy is _very_ shit at feelings.” 

“And you know this how?”

“I dated him, too.” 

“You dated Malfoy?” Finn wasn’t entirely sure he had heard correctly. “Good grief, is there anyone in this school you _haven’t_ gone out with?”

He wished he could take the words back as soon as he said them. That had come out wrong—really wrong. Oh, god, it probably sounded like he thought Leo was a player or something, which was totally not true. Finn knew that better than anyone—sometimes you have to date around until you find the right person. 

_And are you sure that Logan is that right person,_ asked the little voice in his mind that Finn wished he could step on. _Yes. Shut up,_ he told it. 

But Leo just smiled. “McGonagall keeps saying no, unfortunately.” 

Finn’s heart clenched in his chest when Logan laughed, which was hypocritical of him, all things considering. 

**_Two years later_ **

“What will you do if you survive tonight?”

They were fighting back to back, he and Logan, and he wasn’t sure why he was surprised that his boyfriend had decided to make small talk in the middle of a war. 

“If we survive—yes, _we_ , there’s no one of us without the other and you know it—I’ll tell you everything. All of it. And you can decide what to do with that information. I… I promise, Lo. No holding back this time.”

“You haven’t been having an affair behind my back, have you?”

Finn loved that they trusted each other so much they could joke about that. He had a feeling that would change once he had said his piece. 

“Of course not, baby. You’re the only one for me.”

Lies, lies, lies. 

When Harry’s body—Harry, whose shirts Finn had found on his side of the room for six years; who had won them every quidditch game; who had led the fight against Umbridge when no one else would; who had watched so many people suffer—was carried into the courtyard, Finn broke. The war was over. 

And they had lost. 

_Well,_ said the voice. _At least Logan will die thinking you love him._

He didn’t have time to think about that, though, because Harry was standing up again and he and Voldemort were battling and Harry was winning and the Death Eaters were retreating and the next thing he knew he was sitting against a dilapidated stone wall as Logan held his hand in a death grip. 

Neither of them spoke for a long time. When the silence was finally broken, Finn had a feeling that other things had been broken then, too. 

“What was it you wanted to tell me? Remember? When we were fighting.”

As if he could forget. 

“I’m so sorry.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Lo. I love you. I love you so fucking much and I will love you forever and nothing, _nothing_ , will ever make me stop loving you. But…

“But there’s him, too.

“And I don’t even _know_ him and I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel like that. But my heart skips a beat when I look at him and he makes me blush and everything else that I thought only you could do to me. And I don’t know what to do.

“I promise I’ve never done anything. I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to ever do that, I promise. I’ve never told him how I feel—I’ve never told _anyone_ how I feel—and I’ve sure as hell never acted on it. But he means something to me. Something he shouldn’t. 

“If you want to break up with me, do it. I’ll deserve it. But don’t do it for some bullshit reason like I’ll be happier with him, because I’ll never be happy in a relationship without you in it.”

Logan licked his lips. “Leo Knut.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Yeah,” Finn whispered, barely able to hear himself. “How’d you know?”

“Because you look at him like I look at him.”

Neither could be sure, but it seemed like the whole world went quiet just then. 

“What?”

“You look at him like I look at him. Like he looks at both of us.”

“You mean…?”

“Yeah.” 

“Do you think… us three…” 

Maybe that was a step too far, Finn thought, as Logan stood up. But then Logan turned back to him and held out a hand. 

“Why don’t we go find out?”

***

We’ll leave them there, hopeful and excited and in love. Because for now, they don’t know they’ll never press gentle kisses to blond curls, never wake up to dimples and gorgeous grins. They don’t know that Leo’s body will be cold long before they find it. 

But we do.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> come say hi to me on tumblr: [wonder-womans-ex](https://wonder-womans-ex.tumblr.com/)
> 
> asks are always open :)


End file.
